Use the power of the stars and the science of astrology to predict your most horrifying, whorifying hot future. Knowledge is power! Use this to calculate your odds of surviving and/or getting laid in the year ahead.

This app is not intended for those who lack a sense of humour, take life too seriously and/or cannot laugh at themselves. It is not intended for those who vote Republican or obsess about church. Do not download this app if you don't like being vaguely insulted, humiliated and/or somewhat demeaned. Oh... and the in-app purchase options make things even worse. You have been warned. If you are even thinking: "Gee, this app might not be for me because I might cry," then just don't download it. DON'T. Otherwise do.